Every relationship has its journey. We all bring with us our “stuff” from childhood in large suitcases and some of us tuck them under the bed hoping we can just hide them in the darkness. We bring habits, coping, belief systems and some of us have survival tactics that we bring into our relationships.
In the beginning, most of us keep our luggage tucked away and out of sight. Why should we show someone our junk? Isn’t it better to share our awesomeness? Besides, why would we wreck the moment when we feel elated and in love. It sounds so much better to think about that happy ending and the climactic musical finale.
It works for awhile until real life settles in.
Soon issues surface. We fight, we flee, we isolate, and we distract ourselves. One day we find our only time of connecting is sitting side-by-side on the couch to watch television. Our lives have become separate. We don’t know how it happened or what went wrong, but it did. It’s not like we wanted to end up this way, but we feel trapped. There seems to be nowhere to turn, and no one to talk to about the situation. The only reasonable option seems to be to get out or get some help.
I remember the day I looked at our wedding photo hanging above the couch and took it off of its nail. I took a photo copy of it, and shoved the original in my closet in hopes it would disappear. I locked our bedroom door and in silence I let out my rage on that photo by tearing it into pieces and glueing it to a background. I never swore, it was not what good girls did. But, my Sharpie swore and it wrote the most angry words of its life that day across our wedding montage. You see, my marriage was a lie. ~Jema
I got the call at work. She knew of my deepest and most shameful secret. Panic flooded over me. It seemed like my life was over. All that I had worked for in my life was gone. I knew it could also mean I would lose her. I sat frozen in the driver’s seat as I drove home to face her anger, her sadness. It seemed my marriage was over. ~Jon
When we were in the depths of despair, we noticed others did not seem to be struggling like we were. Perhaps, we thought, we were the only couple around with something wrong? Maybe we were just two broken people? We silenced our pain and felt very isolated. It wasn’t until group therapy that we realized we weren’t the only ones who needed some help with their relationship.
And now we know the truth – everyone has bumps in the road. After all, we are all human and far from perfect.
Choosing to be in a Relationship
Being in a relationship means struggle, conflict, communication, understanding, healing, and then starting over again. Relationships are like a tapestry of many threads created from life’s challenges such as:
- Baby blues and depression
- Feeling isolation from a spouse/partner who spends their time at work
- Sex addiction
- Balancing responsibilities
We have had our own journey with all of the examples listed above, and more. Through our extensive “education” by life we have a lot to talk about and share. (It feels like we are working on our Masters’ Degrees.)
With over twenty years of something like marriage, we can tell you about living a parallel life together while eating popcorn in comparison to a life of connection and true intimacy. And today, we share stories about how we are still learning to grow, change, and
yell at each other communicate.
A Relationship Podcast
On our relationship podcast, Something Like Marriage, we share stories of our life together as lovers, parents, and full-time travelers. Our goal is to help couples create better relationships.
On Something Like Marriage podcast, we share gems such as:
- how to communicate
- how alike men and women are (we are from the same planet called Earth)
- how to disagree without anger and blame
- how to meet your partner/spouse’s needs (and learning what they are)
- how to walk through addiction, especially sex addiction
We are here to offer you humor, inspiration, and what worked for us after countless hours of therapy. In the end, we are not perfect. We are just two people living life together that looks something like marriage.
Jon & Jema