I am going to be honest, I feel uncomfortable talking about sex. Sex was not really a topic we had practice talking about with anyone. While Jon was caught up in a cycle of abstinence and binging, I was in my own cycle of repression and avoiding.
Jon’s work in therapy was to begin talking openly about his sexual experiences and his guilt and shame about his sexuality. He found the practice to be freeing and healing. His dark secret and life with porn were now known, and he used the opportunity to develop a healthy adult relationship with sex.
While I was in the therapy group with other women related to Jon’s secret life, the work we did in the group was centered around my self-care and not being obsessed with what Jon was or wasn’t doing in his life. I had no practice sharing anything about sex, and wanted it that way!
I find it to be difficult to talk about sex because it can be painful for me. There is a barrier for me to walk through when discussing my own sexuality or even engaging in sex.
The work I have to do will be messy, but I am now choosing to heal my sexual wounds. Next week I will be brave and share my story.
(Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Milan Surbatovic)
Stream “I Feel Uncomfortable Talking About Sex”
Relationship Podcast Gems:
- Jon is comfortable talking about sex now, but he had a lot of shame and secrets when he was young.
- Jon learned what healthy adult sexuality really was through his recovery groups, talking, and reading.
- As a child, we have different perspectives of our experiences and take on responsibilities, guilt, and shame that wasn’t ours.
- Men tend to talk about the act of sex, not the feelings of fear, and excitement.
- Experiencing it as a kid alone is difficult…fear, excitement, shame and pleasure.
- Jema did not practice talking about her sexuality but avoided all conversations about sex.
- The cultural norms around sexuality are so different – boys are almost encouraged to explore their body, it doesn’t seem to be the same for girls.
- Jon forgets that it is difficult for Jema, he needs reminders that this work is painful.
- Jema’s lack of curiosity about Jon’s sexuality made him feel unimportant and unloved.
- Being on the journey as a couple, and then with other couples has created such profound healing in our life.
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