Keeping score in a relationship is also what some couples call keeping points. I can remember keeping score, and I especially liked it when it served my purposes (wink). Jon never really understood the point system, and for a long time was clueless that I was doing such math in my head.
The question is, how do you know how much something is worth? Is making coffee early in the morning equal to changing a diaper? Does watching the kids count for as many points if they are napping versus spilling drinks on the carpet while having a popcorn fight? Doesn’t a stay-at-home mom or dad automatically get an additional 500 points for dealing with the daily monotony?
The demands on our time once we had children intensified the balance of home, college, and work. The point system seemed to be a way for me to have permission to leverage the time I needed for myself. I wasn’t in a place where I knew how to communicate my real needs to Jon. I could, however, build a case with some calculations and show him the score. Usually, yes, his score was in the negative.
(Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Thought Catalog)
Relationship Podcast Gems:
- The motivation behind keeping points
- Point keeping created a division between us
- What are the real needs of the relationship
- Giving our partner/spouse the chance to take care of us
Get to Know Each Other
- Practice being honest with your needs.
- Share your needs, come up with a plan to meet your needs together
- (A free night off?)
- Practice being heard by one another
Stream “Keeping Score in a Relationship”
Your Next Steps:
Join our email list for new episodes and articles.