Nagging is the constant harassment to motivate someone to do something, usually in the way you want it done. Being unique individuals in a relationship, we may have different perspectives on the right way to do things.
Maybe this sounds familiar to you if you think about some of the popular sitcoms like an oldie, Everybody Loves Raymond. The guy is trying to balance his career with the complexities of having a family. The wife is losing her mind as she tries to create a smooth running household. The conflict arises out of miscommunication and with someone (usually the guy) trying to meet his own needs such as a night with the guys. The wife nags about the chips on the couch.
I have been guilty of communicating with Jon my needs in a sideways attempt through statements, especially in the car. “You are driving too close.”
Early in our relationship, I nagged him to take out the garbage. I remember setting the garbage down in front of the door thinking that would be a good way to communicate my need to him. I watched him scoot the garbage bag to the side and walk out the door not realizing what I was getting at! Of course, we were in our own sitcom at that point. I was pissed off he didn’t take out the garbage. Jon had no idea what was going on.
I find nagging to be a tool I use when I am feeling unsupported with the house and kids. In the garbage scenario, I was feeling the weight of the chores on my shoulders and desired some help. Now, I would communicate that with Jon. “Jon, I am feeling overwhelmed. Can you please help me out tonight and take out the garbage?”
Taking out the garbage is no longer an issue in our relationship because we gave the job to our son! A great way to get rid of that conflict. Yet, put me in the car on a day I feel irritable and have Jon drive. It is a sitcom in the making.
(Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Matthew Hamilton )
Relationship Podcast Gems:
- Nagging is an indirect way to express a need
- What to do when you feel like nagging
- What to do when you are being nagged
- The right way to hang toilet paper (just sayin’)
- Transform nagging into a loving experience using our conversation starter below!
Stream “Why Does She Keep Nagging Me?”
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